Your farewell, your way

TALKING ABOUT DEATH MIGHT NOT BE EVERYONE’S FAVOURITE CONVERSATION, BUT OWEN MOHAN FUNERALS FUNERAL DIRECTOR AND CELEBRANT NICOLE CLEAVE SAYS PLANNING AHEAD CAN ACTUALLY BE PRACTICAL, PERSONAL AND EVEN BEAUTIFUL.

“People choose to pre pay and/or pre-plan for many reasons,” she said.

“The most common are elderly that do not want to leave the burden to their children.

“Making sure their wishes are adhered to by having them pre-arranged/paid gives peace of mind that they have their own say and it won’t be changed.”

For Nicole, the conversation doesn’t need to be heavy or morbid.

Sometimes something as simple as attending a funeral can get people thinking about what they would want for themselves.

“The topic of death being a taboo subject does a great dis-service to our society,” she said.

“To be born means to die, and yet, it is still the most feared reality in the human existence, and the one topic that is not accepted openly.

“If people have not had these discussions, then attending a funeral should be the time to think about their own life and wishes.

“What people want for themselves, who they want to be there.”

Pre-arranging allows people to record everything from their choice of coffin, flowers and stationery to the location of the service, burial or cremation, and whether they want a civil or religious service.

A pre-paid funeral takes it a step further, transferring those arrangements into a fully paid and secured contract.

Nicole said there could also be significant financial peace of mind.

“I have had pre-paids created 30 years ago for $3000, where the equivalent funeral today would cost around $13,000,” she said.

“The individual gets that $13,000 funeral with no extra costs.”

And the conversation doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom.

“It can definitely be a pleasant surprise to some when opening the conversation, it is not all doom and gloom,” Nicole said.

“It is practical and can be beautiful. It is thought provoking.”

Nicole’s advice is to simply start talking.

Couples should know what each other wants, as should family and friends.

“It doesn’t need to be a morbid or heavy conversation,” she said.

“It can be as simple as hearing a song and saying, ‘I want this played at my funeral’.

“Or, ‘Make sure I’m not buried in pink. Make sure I’m not buried’.

“Scatter my ashes over the ocean, at our favourite holiday destination.”

“Or, ‘I want a service at the church we were married in, or my wake at a certain place.’”

However, for Nicole, planning ahead is ultimately about taking control.

A standout moment for her was sitting with a high school friend planning her funeral six months before she died.

She had terminal cancer, did not want to die, but was being practical just in case.

She came on her own and chose everything to the last detail.

“When I sat with her family to carry out her funeral there was nothing for them to do but order the coffin she chose and have it delivered to me,” Nicole said.

“She had pictures of everything for them.

“Even when discussing songs, she had them chosen and when to play them, and it was beautiful, and the family laughed at her attention to detail. It was just like her.

“Absolutely — take control. Be in charge.”

And sometimes, she says, the most personal details are what make a farewell truly special.