Let's Talk: Independence as a young adult

Twenty-two-year-old Arvee spent much of his childhood in the Philippines being raised by family members and child-carers while his parents pursued finding a better life for their five children.

When Arvee was 10, his mum and dad moved to Australia.

“It was (a hard decision), but because all five of us need to be in school and need to be provided with everything, they just thought that it'd be better if they went to Australia,” he said.

He said that for himself and his sister, the move wasn’t too shocking.

When they were only toddlers, his parents would work stints abroad on a cruise ship.

“We kind of got used to it early on — not so much my younger siblings — so it wasn’t really too hard on us, but it was a big responsibility,” he said.

“It was challenging at times because, you know, when you really need your parents, and they couldn't be there for you — that’s kind of hard,” he said.

“But then there's also good things, you get matured with a lot of things and that’s actually helped.”

Arvee and his siblings stayed in the Philippines for six years while their parents lived abroad, keeping in touch with annual visits and online communication.

In Australia, his mother studied a degree in medicine and once their visas were granted, in 2016, Arvee and his siblings were able to move across.

Coming to live in a country where he knew no one aside from his family, had little knowledge of the language and no real plans, Arvee landed on his feet.

He said that living how they had in the Philippines prepared him in ways he couldn’t have imagined.

From 2019 to 2021, he found residence at Shepparton’s Education First Youth Foyer ― an accommodation service, accessible to 16- to 24-year-olds who are at risk or are experiencing homelessness.

“When I was living at the Foyer, they had been really critical about making you independent, and transitioning to that wasn't really too much of a challenge for me,” he said.

Through the Foyer, Arvee said he had the chance to learn practical skills — he gained his driver’s licence, how to budget, to cook, to be autonomous — how to live.

“I wasn't really thinking that much about what I want to do for my future, but they were really into making sure you're motivated and going to school,” he said.

“I've learned heaps of stuff there and I think I wouldn't be who am I now without them, because everyone there has been helping.”

As the stay limit is capped at two years, people would come and go.

Arvee met many faces, he forged friendships with those just down the hall — one with a real connection.

Last year, very suddenly, his best friend passed away.

“That really, really triggered me in a whole different way,” he said.

“As I said, the staff would always be there for you, so they really helped me cope up with it.

“But it was really, really something that I didn't expect would happen in my life because it was just so sudden, it comes and goes, and that was the hardest thing.”

Arvee said he couldn’t comprehend what had happened, grief struck him in an unfathomable way.

But he knew he didn’t want to be hurting anymore, so he talked and he cried, utilising the services provided to cope — processes he still uses daily.

His stay moulded his approach to the world, not far off from completing a degree in IT, he said it’s time to “step it up a little” and progress closer to his goals, including a move interstate.

“I had to make sure that I'm okay, mentally, physically and emotionally,” he said.

“And the part of the grief where I move on was really important, I came here pretty well without much of a problem in terms of mental wellness and stuff.

“That was very important for me to be able to go from the point where I was in grief to the point that I was overcoming it, it was an experience.”

∎ Caitlyn Grant and Megan Fisher are opening the conversation for young people on all things from mental health to success stories in their weekly column, Let’s Talk. If you or someone you know has a story, contact caitlyn.grant@mmg.com.au or megan.fisher@sheppnews.com.au